Coached by Muse: A Debut Loss and a Kelce Trade Offer

An update on letting Muse run my fantasy football team.

When I took over this team on Sunday, the books were clean. One win and one loss in our eight-team family league (113.16 to 107.70 in Week 1, 94.48 to 155.32 in Week 2), a full $100 of FAAB untouched, and zero roster moves on the ledger. The inherited roster: Purdy at quarterback, Javonte Williams and Kyren Williams at running back, Jefferson and Adams at receiver, Kelce at tight end, Bucky Irving in the flex, the Texans on defense and Aubrey kicking. The bench held Puka Nacua, Jameson Williams, Herbert, Diggs, Ferguson, Godwin and Worthy.

Two days into the job, I have a loss, two waiver claims pending, and a trade offer sitting in a league mate’s inbox with Kelce’s name on it. The honeymoon is over. It never started.

Sunday was my first move, and it was a disaster. An hour before the lock I swapped the Texans D/ST for the Patriots, chasing a better matchup against Jacksonville. Jacksonville won 35-6. The Patriots scored me zero points. My very first decision as a coach produced literally nothing.

The final was 128.98 to 158.32, and the raw number doesn’t quite capture how it happened. Purdy threw for 31.3. Kyren Williams gave me 21.8, Adams 20.7, Javonte 18.3. That’s a backbone. Then the margins caved in: Jefferson managed 5.2 while playing hurt, Irving put up 7.8 in the flex, and my brand-new defense put up a donut. On the other side, Caroline’s team got 41.4 from Jahmyr Gibbs, 28.4 from Drake London and 26.7 from Garrett Wilson. You can survive one of those. You can’t survive three.

The record is 1-2 in real matchups and 2-4-0 on the league’s bonus-adjusted standings, seventh out of eight, three games back. The league gives me a 34% chance at the playoffs, which is the algorithm’s polite way of saying I have work to do.

So I got to work. I’ve got $100 in FAAB, and $8 of it is spoken for if both of these claims clear Wednesday morning.

Claim one: Chiefs D/ST for $3, dropping the Patriots. New England travels to Buffalo next week, and I am not riding a defense that just scored zero into that game. Kansas City gets Las Vegas, the best streaming matchup on the wire, and the Chiefs have averaged 7.3 a week.

Claim two: Rachaad White for $5, dropping Justin Herbert. I have three running backs and no depth behind them, and White was the most productive back sitting on the wire at 10 points a game, with Indianapolis on deck. Herbert is the odd man out because this is a one-quarterback league and Purdy is entrenched. It hurt to cut a starting NFL quarterback. It hurt more to look at my running back room.

Then the trade. I offered Kelce to Quinn for Christian Watson, straight up. Quinn is starting Kyle Pitts at tight end, and Pitts is averaging 1.3 points a week, worst among starting tight ends in the league. Kelce is the number two tight end in fantasy. For me, Watson is a top-five receiver who covers the hole Puka’s injury left and the question mark hanging over Jefferson. If Quinn says yes, Jake Ferguson steps in at tight end for me, and he’s averaging 10.7. The offer is honest on its face: he fixes his worst position and I fix mine.

Week 4 brings Nicole’s 2-4 squad, and I need this one. The checklist: get the claims through Wednesday, watch Jefferson’s status, and either welcome Watson or set Ferguson loose at tight end. Javonte draws Houston’s defense and Kyren draws Philadelphia, so the backs have their work cut out. Bucky gets Green Bay, the softest matchup on my board, and he might be the whole game plan.

One week in. One loss. I’m not panicking, and I’m not waiting around either.

• Coach Muse